Saturday, October 29, 2005
I am not joking about the quit smoking exercise. I have done it before and I know I can do it again. Since Lin and Robin has done it, I shall follow their footsteps. Lets make ODAC a smoke free club!! Haha!!
Fri 281005
My first gym workout in TWO months. So shoik!! Its great to be working out again. Exercise would be my new nicotine from now onwards!!! I swear!!! Anyone catch me smoking from 1st Nov onwards, I will donate $10 to ODAC fund......
Heard this on radio while I was working out: "Its better to have loved and lost then never loved before". How true is this? I dont know sia cause I have never been loved before...But I think that each relationship has it own memories, but once its over, we should try to get on with it cause time and tide wait for no one. And you might miss out on somebody whom truly loves you and deserves you more than the previous relationship. Hai, if only relationshp problems can be solved so easily rite... I see my friends with relationship problems, they tell me that I do not understand. Of cos I do not understand...I wish I had such a problem in the first place... Haha. I should stop all this BGR, MWR shit.
Sat 291005
Didnt sleep the entire nite and spent the entire day playing netball at Temasek Polytechnic. I wish I had spend the day sleeping at home instead!!! No offence to the organisers from SRC and those who were on the same team, I had a fun time playing with u, but I was pissed by the umpires!!! Granted I didnt know the rules in the first place, but some the rules are extreme. I really cant understand the game and some of the umpires are pure biased, I think they dont like my face... Haha. I have more to bitch about but I should stop here, bitching is not healthy. At least today I learnt that netball is not my kind of sport and I will NEVER play netball EVER AGAIN!!!
Friday, October 28, 2005
I think ODAC is actually SDU in disguise, cos this week the 5th couple have got together since ODAC FOC!!! And a 6th couple should be more or less there. Haha, or is there any more underground couple out there?
Wed 261005
Woke up freaking tired, managed to reach school for Maths before the Tea break...Getting sicker and sicker throughout the day. The day brightened for 5 mins after lunch but then it went down hill again......Met the guys for dinner at Queensway Hawker Centre at 1900hrs, but when I reach there, they just finished eating. So I ordered mutton soup while we continued our male bonding session. The mutton made me worse, think too heaty liao. Hai... have to rush down to work.
Over at Attica, bloody sick now. My sinus is killing me!! But almost everyone was sick too, so I had to endure...Luckily as it got busy, I felt better too. Think working makes the sickness away, so there is no need for medicine anymore. With no disrespect to the customers of Attica, but I to say this... Working at Attica is like working at a zoo sometimes. Firstly, u see Monkeys dancing around every night, Crocodiles and Buayas lounging around looking for their kill and cows walking around looking for someone to milk their exposed tits... Of cos, then there are the elephants, rhinocerous and merlions!! Nuff said, I should stop bitching about others.
Thurs 271005
Woke up at 1345 with an extreme headache, S***!! I am suppose to man the SRC Charity Run booth today!! Shucks, feel so guilty cos I havent been helping out at all. Feel really weak and tired, should I go soccer training or watch movie with Jishun and YangYang? In the end, after a ding dong session... I chose to be a light bulb...hai...No energy to play soccer, dont feel like Dotaing...so bopian!!
Today is also the 3 month anniversary of my ORD!!! Time really flies now, it has been 3 months. Went past Keat Hong Camp on the way to Jurong Point. I miss the place man!! Although I hated the nights doing planning for NDP 05 till way past midnight, writing minutes and other shit, this place brings back other wonderful memories as well. I hope the guys in S2 branch are doing well, the guys at BRC have ORDed, every single one of them, except for the CQ, Intspecs and Storemen. Good Luck for them under OC BRC!! Hmm, They should be in Wallaby right now, I miss Wallaby as well. Lovely place, great scenery, slow pace life... I miss the outdoor life, probably thats why I joined ODAC!!!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
My 2nd consecutive Tuesday working at Attica. Another boring day, the rest of ODAC ppl are at MINDS cafe but I am here working, but I chose to work cause its freaking slack on Tuesdays!!! Except for a bunch of monkeys who came in at 1am to drink......
Spent quite some time talking to Fion cause nothing to do at Attica. Make me wonder what am I really looking for in a relationship. Am I looking for a lifetime partner, someone to spend time with or looking for fun? I think I am looking for someone whom I feel comfortable with and able to have a decent relationship with... But I guess such things come naturally, I will not be pushy about it.
Hai, I hope I am able to wake up for Meena Maths Lesson in a few hours time, otherwise FG has to keep some more tea break food for me!!!
Monday, October 24, 2005
~They are back together again, lets hope it would be longer than the first time~
~She looks so cute sleeping in the hammock, sleeping peacefully like a princess...No, dont be mistaken, I have not fallen for her, I think I treat her more like a younger sister? ~
Back from Jerangkang, this time it isnt as tiring as Pelepah. The trek up to the waterfalls was easy, but the waterfall at Jerangkang was more grand and more scenic than Pelepah. On hindsight, I guess I should have stayed back in Singapore to work... cos it wasnt as great as I expected it to be. Still, I had a good time playing and chilling out in the water falls, cos the water was really CHILL!!!
However, it rained during dinner, hai, had to scuttled for shelter......the rain made me very lethargic, slept ard 9. The happening thing occurred during the bus trip back to JB...we stripped Sheng cos he refused to sing a proper song for us...Wat bunch of Sickos rite...Haha...
Tired and Sleepy, back to school tommorrow.... Sianz....Ciao
Friday, October 21, 2005
The Story Of Tree, Leaf and Wind. I like this story cause its very true, but not because it has happened to me!! But I guess I have to learnt to be Wind to get my Leaf away from Tree!!
TREE
The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Over time I started to paint a tree in the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl whom I loved a lot but never dared go after. She didn't have a pretty face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, her frankness. Like her cuteness, her intelligence and her fragility. My reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got together all the special feelings I had would vanish. I feared that other people's gossiping would hurt her. I also felt that if she was meant to be my girl, she would be mine ultimately and I didn't have to give everything up just for her. The last reason made her stay with me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other girls for 3 years, and I made her heart cry for 3 years.She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole day. When everyone else went back home, she sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I had returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I know that based on her character she was not the one who had started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed and joked with me as though nothing had happened. I know that she was very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers. When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my break-up and she told me about her getting together with someone else. I know who the guy was. He had been going after her for quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school.I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?During graduation, I read an SMS in my handphone. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and cried, but I hadn't read it since then. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay."
LEAF
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. The sourness inthe heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would ache. T ime after time, my heart was hurt again and again. I began to suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you would do for a normal friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I may know his likes, his dislikes, his habits, etc. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right?Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping that one day, he will love me too. I waited for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me SMS. I know that no matter how busy he was, he would make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I wondered whether I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 long years.Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I was willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind just asmall footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leaf far away to a better land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled and didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
WIND
I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was one month after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she would always be sitting there looking at him, be it alone or with her friends. When he talked with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit, the way she liked to look at him.One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a sense of uneasiness. The senior was also not there. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes when he left. T he next day, I saw her at her usual place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. The next day, she passed me a note and left.Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away.It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree. I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accepted my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I had the perseverance that one day, I could make her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she would divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decided I wanted her to be mine, I would definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I had declared my love for her. Although I knew she would try to divert, I still had a small glimmer of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone, so I asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head." "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head," she replied loudly. I hung up the phone, changed quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place and pressed her door bell. When she opened the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
Its been only 12 days, but its over for them. I feel very disappointed, cos seems like my efforts to get them together has gone down the drain...Hai, but WTF, its between the two of them, they live their own life.
Tues 181005
Its a bad day for me. Overslept for POA lesson in the morning, then didnt get notes, have to go 6th floor to get. Couldnt crash the usual Econs lesson in the afternoon, cos got stupid administrator checking. Could have join the lesson during the break but no mood to study. So I went to Clarke Quay, spent 9.5 hrs at Clarke Quay watching the world go by... Am I going crazy? Nope!! I was working at Attica and nobody clubs on Tues!!! I was so bored, I walk to Boat Quay to buy Beef Hor Fun for dinner, but its worth the walk, cos the Hor Fun is the best!! During closing time, this customer bought a bottle of Veuve Clicquot but drink only 1/4 then knock out liao... which means free champagne for us!!! Haha, its the only highlight of my bad day. (Its confirm, its over for them)
Wed 191005
I overslept for lessons again and I am having Maths... which means I couldnt look at L*** S** for a longer time...Haha. FG is brother!!! He kept some tea break snacks for me!! 9 Muah Chees to be exact and I finish them all.... I love it!! Saw Luke in canteen, somehow got feeling that we would be going Alley Bar tonite...But I was wrong, we went to Halo Bar instead. 1 bottle Jim Beam only $88++ so cheap, some more got scratch n win, out of 5 cards we got 4 prizes (4 x Jim Beam lanyard, I always wanted one sia!!), even the waiteress was stunned!! How come we so lucky!! Had a great time man, Luccy and JS was High on coke, FG will never drink Green Tea again and SHANG!!! He cant drink for nuts and he keep losing...Ultimate Noobster...Haha, just kidding. Machiam gay night out, cos we added up "Kissing" and "Hugging" each other, gonna post the pics once I get them!!!
Thurs 201005
Late for lessons as usual, but this time only half hour late... Shit, I dont understand Econs... all the graphs and lines that Ting Mun Kwong is drawing.... looks that the the Raffles Place, City Hall and Dhoby Ghaut MRT interchange and routes to me!!! Hai, today is the first SIM soccer club training with a proper coach. But its seems like to be a Vietnam Vs Singapore match, cos there were Vietnamese students playing and they even have supporters. During the practice match, they seem to be playing for their Nation!!! So serious, but WTF, they dont even know wat is Foul Throw. Hai.
Met Luke, JS and Yang at IMM to collect the Jerangkang Food stuff, but Lin left liao...This time I not carrying the tent, seems like the bag so empty, so I gonna carry more food and water.
Reach home liao then suddenly at 2300, Xiao Bai jio go NUS eat prata... so out I went again. Lucky man, manage to catch last train. At Clementi, Xiao Bai do Stunt!! Funny Man but very hard to explain...HAHAHAHA!!!! I ate 1 Banana Cheese, 1 Mushroom Cheese, 2 Egg Prata and 3 Tea Peng. Probably that explains why I am still here BLOGGING. I cant Sleep!! I am so FULL!!!!!!!!!!!
This took ME 55mins to write!!!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Stayed back after lesson to study in school, but as usual fell asleep halfway!! Suddenly, a thought struck me: Wat the hell did I give up a comfortable 2*00plus pay job in the army to come SIM to study!!! In 2 yrs time, I would be drawing 3K plus!!! But as I look around, I see Mich Lin, Mish Yang, Joyce, FG, Brandon, Kelvin (and the other ODAC ppl whom arent around), I realise that it is the valuable friends, that I made in SIM that money cant buy!!
We went to celebrate Kelvin Yan the Yan Dao 21st Birthday at Swensen. Had a great time, Birthday Boi had to drink special concoction by Luke: Chili Sauce, Tomato Sauce, Melted Ice Cream, Pepper, Salt, Cereal, and dont know wat else.... EEEE Gross man. Damnit.... had to eat the stupid concoction of Luke twice because of the Magic Numbers game, but Luke got his retribution, he had to eat one whole container of pepper with the concoction...
[Saw something "Stimulating", haha, nice Tongue you have ;) !!!] - not meant to be offending, the other guys agree with me too!!!
Monday, October 17, 2005
What a busy few days...Time passes so fast nowadays, unlike the days when I was in the Army, where time crawls.
Thursday, 131005
Usually i dont work on Thurs, but today Attica had an event: Action For AIDS, I think its organised by Toni & Guys. They had a Catwalk show with weird models, weird hair and weird dresses. Some models are not that gorgeous, probably because they have the height. Some of my friends definitely look better then them but they just lack the height. (I am not referring to U, Miss ACTually Cute, Haha) Anyway, they gave away free condoms and magazines but I dont know wat i gonna do with them, just take becos its free!!
Friday, 141005
Spent half the day sleeping, went to SIM for ODAC Jerangkang Trip Briefing. I tot it was a waste of time, cause the briefing is the same as the Pelepah Trip... but I had to pay the $65 anyway and I get to meet the guys for dinner!! Its amazing, although we have known each other only for less then 3 months, but the bond between us is so great that we seem to be friend for years!! Went to work after that, my manager ask me why I didnt tell her that I couldnt work during the Jerangkang trip. I felt guilty cause I wanted to give a lame excuse on Thurs, so I admitted i could work. But in the end she didnt do anything drastic to me, maybe because I agreed to work on Tues for her.
Saturday, 151005
I was preparing to go for work, waiting for my dinner to come home. Until AnAn msg me to go clubbing at MoMo, I wanted to go but I had work and so I told her I couldnt go. However in my mind, I really wanted to go cause I havent seen her since my birthday. Oh Gosh, its been 6 months!! I used to like her alot, but she with her boyfriend for 2 years liao. Wat to do? Sianz, she treats me as a GOOD FRIEND also. I miss her, so wat the heck. I havent gone clubbing for months. I did something which I am not proud of, I msg my manager that I am sick and I cant go to work.
I went down to MoMo and met my friends to watch soccer until she came. She was with her friends and ask us to go to the dance floor and dance. But I didnt feel like dancing and continued to watch soccer. I guess I am over this clubbing thing, no energy left, just wanna to chill out, hang around with friends. I guess I should have gone to work instead and meet her another day. Left around 230am, so early, usually I leave around 4am. Hai, I committed another sin...went to eat supper at Lau Pa Sat. I have to stop eating so much, dont wanna reach 100kg!!!
Sunday, 161005
Went to JB with Kok Fai to walk walk the shopping centres, then dinner at Johor Jaya Super Big Food Court. Its name is not superbig but because it is really super big, about the size of a football field. Went there to eat Chao Guo Tiao, Satay, Ngou Hiang, Sting Ray, Tiger Beer and Blueberry Ice Kacang. Something different from Jalan Sri Tebrau market, where we always eat the seafood. Slurps!!!
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Feel so relieved right now. Went jogging yesterday with FG, Brandon and YangYang at MacRitchie. Finally get to do some decent exercise after a month of drinking and smoking. I think the jogging cleared my brain and get to think properly through certain things. I was affected by this subconciously that I didnt realise that it was so bad. Just glad that it is now OVER!! So shoik.
Just finish watching White Chicks on DVD... damn funny... I am starting to enjoy my time alone once again, not having to worry about someone else problems half the time. But I will be there for my friends when they need me... as always. Hai... going to work later, Attica was so boring last night, there was a small crowd but nobody was really drinking. There is a function tonight, lets hope there would lots of Hot Chicks - White Or Not doesnt matter. Makes working more pleasant and time passes faster when there is a crowd.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Suppose to go jogging after school on Monday, but end up at KAP Mac with FG and Yang Yang to study. Started studying at 1730 and fell asleep within half an hour... Hai. Went home at 1830 for a long awaited homecooked meal. Havent eaten my mum's food for about a month, her cooking is still the best!!! Have to start exercising again... getting fat. By hook or by crook, Wed I should go gym or go MacRitichie and run with FG and Yang Yang.....
Joyce treated us Waffles at Gelare today for those who shared present for her birthday. I didnt Waffles were so expensive sia... first time eating at Gelare. Not bad actually. Went to MINDS Cafe after that, I like that place...very cosy. Played I am The Boss... first time playing even though I have seen them playing lots of time liao... Interesting game... If only we were playing with real money!!!
Monday, October 10, 2005
I dont usually tell people my most inner feelings. But I have to find someplace to release my frustration, hurt, joy and comments. I decided that this should be the place...
This thing called LOVE. To me, many people have abused this word. How much do you know about the person after a few days, weeks to declare you love the person. Love and Like is very different. Like is usually physical attraction, which develope into a relationship and from there Love is developed. (Of cos there are different kinds of love e.g parental love, siblings love, friendships, etc. But I am talking abt BGR and MWR).
Wat should I do to find myself a galfriend? I do not know. Each time I thought I found "The One" but it was not to be. They become somebody else "One". Is it due to lack of effort? Or lack of feelings? Lack of communication? Understanding? Insensitivity? I am really lost. I am really tired. I am sick. Why do I always become the "Good Friend"? Am I really just someone to confide in? I can do all those "Fancyful" things that other guys do, but do they do it consistently once they become a couple? I doubt so. I had my fair share of gals hinting to me that they like me, but I find it difficult to accept gals whom I am not interested in. How sia? All I want to is find someone whom I like, to take care of her, to love her, to be there for her all the time. Is it so difficult?
I am afraid of telling someone that I like her. I dont want to end up hurting myself again. Cos each time I do that, I end up hurting myself. I would rather be a guardian angel by her side. Taking care of her, making sure she is happy and consoling her when she is sad. Liking someone is not about all possession. Although I would prefer to be her "Special One", I would rather to see her happy with someone else then being unhappy with me and thinking of someone else.
I have alot of things to say, but i cant put it into word right now. I wont let my emotions take over me. I should go and take a rest now.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
This is my second attempt at creating my own blog. Gave up on my previous one but inspired by Miss Actually Cute to start a new one
