Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Yesterday as I was working, I felt a sudden lost of direction. What is my goal? What am I doing? Should I continue studying or go back to the work force?? What is my motive in life? I am still looking for an answer... but I know I need a balance and the balance is missing in my life. I need to find the balance soon....
I was very lucky yesterday. I skip the 2nd half of Econs lecture to go work and skip the Econs test and the administrators decided to do a spot check half an hour after the tea break... Finally i made a correct decision and luck is on my side.
I just woke up this morning with less than 3 hrs of sleep. No, I was not awaken by my alarm clock, I was waken by my mother's bark. My mum has this habit of screaming at the top of her voice in the morning when she presumes we are late for work or school. As I can understand her feeling of not wanting us to be late, but I cant fathom for the past 24 years why she has to shout at the top of her voice. She says its because when we wake up, we cant hear wat she says and she has to repeat herself alot of times. But then, when someone just wakes up and feeling groggy, who the hell can understand what she is trying to say when she screams like a bullet train??? Seriously if this carries on... I am going crazy... I need to move out of my house.......
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Hmmm MIA for a days liao...... Updating time!!!
Wednesday 23 Nov
I know I blogged for Wed liao, but i forgot something!!! I saw Ian Rush!!! The Liverpool Legend!!! He came to Attica for a drink... But I didnt get his signature, not really interested... If only Alan Shearer came instead!!! I would whip out my camera phone!! Mai Too Liao!!
Thurday 24 Nov
Let me see...Wat did I do on Thursday? Oh yah!!! SIM-UOL Talentime!!! Wat Boo-Boo...but it wasnt the organisers fault, SIM had a black out and it got delayed by 1/2 to 1 hour and I had to leave by 8 to go to work!!! At least I caught Wayne Erh and Weilun in action. Its a pity that they didnt win anything though.
I am working that night cos Attica Too had an NIE bash... nothing much though... as usual, BASHes are boring. Lets hope UOL's isnt!!
Friday 25 Nov
Slacked at home......Forgot wat I did... Oh yeah met FG, Lao Ren and Rexy for dinner and went to work. I am looking forward to work!!! Just wish that I could be at courtyard everytime!! Hai... But I know thats not possible. Got to talk to her for a while...until my manager came and chased me away... Haha!! Even my manager knows!! But I think that other than Luke, nobody else knows....
Saturday 26 Nov
Thought I was working at Courtyard...but no... I was at VIP2... Not bad lah...Its the next best thing. Working at VIP2 is very extreme, I slacked from 10 to 130 and got slammed from then on all the way to closing....2 bottles of Abs Vod and a Bottle of Moet...nothing much ah... dig this... 20 glasses of Cosmopolitan!!! Wat the hell!!! damn scary sia carring Nine glasses at one go and customer bump into me!! Half the cosmos spilled onto my hand!! Luckily still had enough for them to drink... so wat the hell...just serve.
Manage to talk to her after closing. Quite a pleasant gal. Rushed down to MacRitchie there after, Thanks for the ride Luccy!!! Haha!!! Sisters Forever!!!
Sunday 27 Nov
Jalan Jalan by SIM UOL SRC. Having ZERO sleep and going for the event. Though the turn out wasnt so good, but at least the event went along smoothly. Of cos there were things I wasnt happy about but its not within my control and I am not a position to comment... so be it
Went to Alleybar to chill with Fion, Lydia and Luke. Very tired, only slept for 2 hours, but I am just glad be around her... Hans, Jo, Brandon and GF came later and we hopped over to Acid Bar for the 'Live' Band. Great amostphere!! Should go there another day.
Luke and Fion left early cos they got school and work early on Mon. So the rest of us went to K Box to sing. Damn tired but enjoyed myself nevertheless!!!!!!
Monday 28 Nov
We sang from 130 am to 6am!! Can you believe it? Concussed the moment I reached home.
Had this job interview at 12pm at CityLink but I woke up at 11am. Hai... Had to take cab again. Reach there at 1230pm and the Boss wasnt happy. I gave her a bad impression straight away and the interview lasted less than 1 min and she told me F*** O**!! No Lah she didnt, she just told me she would call me again. But I didnt like her attitude, though I was late but she was damn attitude also. And I think she is a BUTCH!!! I have nothing against Butches but somehow they just tend to piss me off...e.g the Butch at Novetel 7-11, the Butch with FG haircut and now the boss!! I was damn piss cos I took $15 cab to CityLink and she did this to me!! Fair enough... I wouldnt want to work for such a boss anyway and I dont need this job either!!!
Damn shack!!! Slept less than 6 hours in 2 days but went for soccer nevertheless and I had a great time!! With my knee fully recovered, wat a wonderful feeling!!!!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Monday night, I was planning to sleep around 12am to 1230am. However, I got turn out by my friends...Its supper time, initiated by Michelle Lin and FG. She had this sudden craving for sugar cane juice while FG likes to do impromptu things. And off we went for supper, 6 crazy people, at 130am met at CHOMP x 2. Alamak!!! No more sugarcane, so poor Mich had to settle for Yeo's sugarcane drink instead and we to Geylang for Horfun and Soya Bean. I didnt want to eat much but I couldnt control myself...cos my appetite is back. I am trying my best to weight, I need to lose at least 10 to 15 kg. But it seems like food is my greatest weakness......
Wednesday night was a good one, my manager annouced that Attica is sponsoring its staff for an all expenses paid cruise trip to Penang and Phuket in January!!!! I just need to bring money for shopping and probably casino... The offer is very tempting, tempting enough to make me decide to skip 3 days of lecture!!!
Monday, November 21, 2005
I was working yesterday night with my floor manager and supervisor , usually I dont work on Sundays but I was doing my colleague a favour. Sundays are super slack days in Attica. Basically stand there and wait for closing. So we spent alot of time talking together, as both of them are happily married with each other, I realise how they met each other and other interesting things about them. They are really a sweet couple and like all couples, they have something in common...both of them borrowed my Newpaper on Sunday brought it to the toilet while doing their "big business"....
Saturday, November 19, 2005
I wanted to go for a run around 5 plus. For the first time my laziness saved me, cos it started to rain around 6 plus.
Its raining since 6 plus and the rain just stop I think. I am waiting for my dinner before going to work. But I just did something stupid, I forgot to save my game that I was playing!!! Luckily, I did not lose much data, except the new records I just set.
Friday, November 18, 2005
10 (not so interesting) facts people dont know about me:
1. I was born in Alexandra Hospital. I was delivered by Caeserian after lunch time. (Properly thats explains why I am always hungry).
2. My first crush was in Kindergarden. She used to sit beside me in class, she was damn cute.
3. I chose the name John cos its the shortest name my brother shortlisted for me. (My brother's name is James, no he didnt shortlist Jay then).
4. I got choke by a fishbone in Pri 3, I had to go SGH to remove it and it took 4 people to hold me down while the nurse/doctor took out the bone. ( Just glad to be still alive and kicking)
5. I was a school prefect in Pri Sch. (Unbelievable)
6. I was 1st in class in Pri 6 but last in class in Sec 1. (I was heartbroken).
7. My height was 170 in Sec 2, 10 years down the road, I am only 173.
8. I scored a goal straight from kick off (from the midpoint) during interclass soccer, 1 year before Beckham scored his wonder goal against Wimbledon. (Oh yah, we lost the match 8-1).
9. I actually have a temper, but I learnt to curb it in the army. Trust me, dont make me angry, it can get real ugly. Things will fly. (Not pigs though).
10. I cant stand Uniform Groups in Sec Sch, but I signed on as an Armour Officer during NS. Oh Well, money do wonders to people.
Shit!! I should be doing my Accounts Assignment instead.....
Hai, my manager says that I should smile more, cos I look more charming that way. But its very tiring to smile leh... I dont want to look like sicko also, smiling for nothing. But my manager says its part of service...and gals might approach me for my number...Haha.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Feel damn sucky now, just came back from Bishan. Was suppose to have SIM soccer training, but to my horror its raining cats and dogs and the training is CANCELLED!!! I travelled all the way to Bishan to eat beef noodles and here I am back home blogging till I go to work.
The last two days have been spent up and down the island, going to Lin's chalet and back to school and back to chalet and back to school. We planned a surprise for her on Monday night where she was suppose to be alone with Yang at the Chalet. Guess she was quite happy, but she did not finish the special birthday concoction that Luke prepared....Hai...Excuses... Oh yah, Gilson appeared at 3am in the morning with a birthday cake baked by him. We were surprised to see him as well.
I did something dumb on Tuesday but its not really my fault.... it just happen to me... I brought a bottle of Jack Daniel to school, wanting to bring to the chalet to drink...but...somehow the bottle cap and most of it spill during Econs lecture. And the lecture hall smelled of whiskey...Sad damn sad, wat a waste of my Jack Daniels....ARGH!!!!!
The GYM at NSRCC was great!!!! I wonder how to get membership there.....
I am really disappointed, disappointed with someone whom I care alot for. Someone who made a disparaging comment. The person might have already forgotten this incident or think that it is a small matter. But to me, it means all that I have done previously have gone to nought when the person lost the temper...Especially for something that I think is a small matter... Does it pay to be nice? Is it worth it to care for someone else? 100 appreciative remarks would never erase 1 such bad remark from someone you care. The damage is done, things will never be the same again. I am not being petty becos I REALLY CARE!!!
Monday, November 14, 2005
What a busy week for me, 5 consecutive days of work...... Makes me wonder if I am a student or full-time server at Attica.... The last few days have been a blur, let me see if I can recall wat I did...
Friday, 11 Nov 05
Eh.... I was at home at the way till dinner time. Met Dina to settle my investment things and for dinner. ( Dina is my financial planner, she is real good!!! Anybody interested to work as financial planner or admin assistant? Or get her as your financial planner? I will recommend you to her!!) After that its a mad rush down to work. There wasnt much of a crowd, surprisingly for a Friday night, except for a bunch of Lao Char Bo having a Hen Party for the bride who is going to get Bonked opps.... I mean getting married ( this phrase sounds familiar rite... toons9?) She was wearing a tiara and wearing a sash saying getting married. And her friends picked up all the cute looking guys they could find in the club...from Ang Moh to Nippon to Negro...(except the cute chinese server who was serving them) to plant a kiss with the bride to be. Mind you, its not a peck, I think they were French Kissing for a few minutes...wat the heck...she should be enjoying the moment... cos she is going to wake up everyday and see the same guy soon... God Bless Her!!
Saturday, 12 Nov 05
Slept thru the day, went to meet Lin, Yang, JS, Luke, Theophane and KP for dinner. Then its the made rush to work again...... First time working at VIP section of Attica, its not as scary as I tot it was. I actually enjoyed working there, you serve only the particular guest and they give more tips... haha
Sunday, 13 Nov 05
Slept thru the day as well, woke up with my best bud's sms: "Wanna play Mahjong?" Off I went to play Mahjong... Lost $20 bucks....Sianz... I hate losing... After that went to Bukit Timah to play billiards... Lost again... Hai... At least today I did things which I havent done for a few weeks and met my buddies...Oh yah... I went to Ashley's place to pick up my bag, at least its still in one piece...and she left a hair clip in the bag... lucky only a hair clip... and nothing else....My hair is getting long, think the hair clip would be useful to me...
I read this in my friend's blog:
"the sheer hint of the other party’s happiness would be able to brighten your day."
- I am glad that the other party is happy but I was sad at the same time. Cos she is happily together with another guy...This has happen a few times and most of the time the other party doesnt know about it. Which probably made things easier for me to get over with....
Oh yah Last but not least, I know why my appetite is getting better, Cos this week I saw FG only on Monday and Tuesday rather then 6 days a week for the last few weeks..... Haha... Just kidding buddy. Later during PBF lecture I will entertain you again...Try to match make you with Yang Qian Hua.... Swee Bo???
Friday, November 11, 2005
hmmm.... Finally, a good day for me. Actually nothing great happen, I just saw someone who made my day. Someone whom I always see on television and on SK jewellery advertisements. But I got to bump into her at Millenia Walk ...not 1 time not 2 times but 3 times!!! Though she put on alot of make up, I was still captivated but her smile... She is probably only around my age but she looked so ... a different class... She probably thought I was stalking her cos every where she walk and she bump into me... haha. But I thought she was stalking me instead.... Ouch!!! ok ok I will stop dreaming...
The Heineken Party at Attica was disappointing man... Nothing great... Sianzz.. Hai... 2 more days of work to go... feeling zombie right now... Feel like clubbing... Robin Next Wed Zouk!!! On Bor??
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Yesterday, I was walking around in Taka looking for something and somehow a splinter got into my finger... Looks like nothing is going well for me... even the shop display wants to leave a mark on me... but it seems like it is a sign telling me to stop what i plan to do... Stop it should be.
However, 2 interesting things happen during work. First I saw Jeannie, havent seen since after polym, she is getting prettier and prettier. Haha. She is an air stewardess right now, same as Joey and Julie. All the J's......Maybe I can try being an air steward......
The 2nd thing isnt really exciting, but a customer gave me $100tips just to look for a table for him....... beyond my control...... but somehow the manager found him a good table and the tips...... hai...... have to share the tips, how I wish I could pocket it sia.....
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
I feel terrible, I feel bad. I woke up with a throat full of flam. From past experience, the flam is there because my body pushing out all the toxins in my system. It has been 10 days since I last touched a fag. I have lost my appetite. Ya, I am still eating but I am eating for the sake of eating. I lost the joy of eating, all the food taste the same.
I feel like a zombie. Every week is the same. Going to school for lessons to get a piece of paper after 3 years, but end up getting more confused. Going to work at night while my friends are enjoying the night out. But I have to work, I got my bills to pay, my policies to pay and my stomach to feed. Suffer now, enjoy later.
On Monday, we were playing soccer and Natalie was watching Wayne play. Memories begin to flood my mind. I miss the days we used to play soccer everyday and Germs would be there watching. I dont know if she was watching me or the whole class. But still it was a great feeling. It has been more than 12 years, but she is one of the reason for my wonderful childhood...
My home is like a hotel and cybercafe. I am just there to sleep every night or sitting in front of the comp. There is nothing much to do at home, my parents are always in front of the TV. My mum is always nagging about the same things and there are things in life you just cant tell your mum. I tried to tell once, but she end up nagging about the same old things. My Dad? He is only concern when I can start working full time again and give him pocket money. My brother? I havent seen much of him since god knows when... I think since 1997 till now I have seen since for about 2-3 years out of the 8. Right now, he got know someone who stays in town area and doesnt go home much.
How come my life sounds so bad ah? Its not that bad actually, just wanna get the bad memories out of my system and retain the good memories in my head.
Just finish reading Robin's blog...seems like blogging is the in thing in ODAC. He talked about love...people around him around are troubled by that.
This leads to me thinking about what I am looking for in a relationship. I think I have talked about this before...nevermind...Seriously speaking, I am NOT desperate to get into a relationship in the first place. I have been single for 24 years, what is another 24 hours, days or weeks? Being single is fine with me, but sometimes, I wished that there is someone to be there for me when I am down and to share my happiness with, to take care of her when she is down and also to share her joy, to watch me play soccer with my buddies and after that go shopping with her... telling her how ugly the dress is...watching dvd at home on a cold rainy day cuddling each other...
Like I said, I am not purposely on the look out for someone, its just that I found a few special ones from time to time but they were not to be... And David, stop trying to intro your friend to me (eh I mean intro lah but I not expecting anything special to come out of it). Yes, she is pretty...but that isnt everything...I have learnt to go with the flow...you need to have special vibes between two person.
By the way, my leg still hurts after injuring myself last sunday...I have been playing soccer for since 1992 without serious injury but one rollerblading session has ended in agony for me. How serious is my injury? Lets just say that I cant wear my pants without feeling pain in my knee. Looks like no soccer for me until I recover...
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I am ok brothers, I am really fine. Its not worth getting upset over someone who is not appreciative for what you do for them. There is a few people whom I would like to thank for being there for me in my different phase of life:
(not in order of merit, all of you are important to me!!!)
1. Weijie: My buddy since 1994, 11 years liao. Word cant describe wat we have gone thru together. Even when we fell for the same gal once, it did not spoil our friendship. Thanks for the Heineken today.
2. Hongqi, Wee Ann, Yunxiang, Solomon: My BRC brothers, all the shit we went thru, I cant never forget...I miss you guys the moment you guys got posted out, life was the same again. I was alone at KHC... suffering...Once Armour, Always Armour.
3. Germaine: I know that you wont be reading this, but I have to mention you. You are the first gal that I loved with all my heart. Nobody else can come close. I dont care wat others say, puppy love...watever. Although we were only in Primary Sch that time, but that was when love was the most pure and innocent. It took me 3 years to get over you, but yet when you chose to be with me...I had changed...Accepting you then would be unfair to you, cos I wont be able to love you as much as you did for me. I still have the letters you send me, the things you send me to encourage me to quit smoking... you thought I didnt appreciate it... I was touched... but I didnt know how to react then...though we were never a couple and we would never be together... I want to say I really appreciate everything you did for me...Friends Forever...
4. Fong Guan: My best buddy in SIM!!! Fellow fat officer...haha. Though you fly my kite for Dragon Boat, though you spoil my plan twice. But you the one who understand me the most!!! Thanks for calling me just now. I am ok. I treasure my life, I wont do anything stupid.
5. David: Though you irritate me most of the time and make me tulan, but I appreciate the time when you try to pick me up when I was down.
6. Jishun, Luke, Robin, Sheng, Xiao Bai: Thanks for listening to me.
7. Aveline: I just want to tell you, its better to be loved than to love, especially for someone for doesnt deserve it. Treasure your current relationship, its tough to get together, its even tougher to maintain. I guess you know such things better than me.
8. The rest of ODAC: I have not forgotten all of you, I enjoyed the trips that we went together. Its an experience money cant buy...although we paid for the trip!! 3 Cheers for the EXCO for making life memorable so far for us.
9. Kok Fai, Joo Wah, Cheng Kwang, Chun Ming: Buddies for 10 years, how can I forget you guys.
10. Last but not least, my parents and James. Though i seldom spent time with all of you now and though you will never get to read this. I want to say I love you and James...its time for you settle down soon.
Monday, November 07, 2005
A and B likes C. But C likes A. B can pluck a star from the sky for C but A just have to pick up a stone from the ground and C would be more delighted with the stone then the star...
I am suppose to do something that I have never done before. But is it worth it? She probably not going to appreciate it anyway.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
I just came back from work. I cant sleep, must be the Kilkenny effect. Forget about coffee, a can of Kilkenny in the morning keeps you awake as well!!
As I stood beside the DJ console looking across an empty club, grooving to DJ White for the last time before he goes back to Down Under, tots are stirring in my mind. This is the second time in just over a month that I have been disappointed again. But some things are just not within my control, there's nothing much I can do at this stage. I am not sure if they are together yet, but it seems like its only a matter of time. As usual, its the case of too little too late for me. But I gonna stand by her, be her guardian angel all the way. Wat the heck, she doesnt even know abit this, cause she is basking in her new found love. It might turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
It took me ten days to get over the other time, how long would this time be? It would properly be shorter.
Ice Cold Beer anyone?
Saturday, November 05, 2005
I feel terrible. Its tearing me apart. I am hungry, sleepy and tired. Will I be disappointed again? I have to be persistent. No smoking means no smoking.
Friday, November 04, 2005
"Contentment is not the fulfilment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have."
"When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us."
"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way."
"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't goon well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches."
The Blower's Daughter
and so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time
and so it is
the shorter story
no love no glory
no hero in her skies
i can't take my eyes off of you
and so it is
just like you said it should be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time
and so it is
the colder water
the blower's daughter
the pupil in denial
i can't take my eyes off of you
did I say that I loathe you?
did I say that I want toleave it all behind?
i can't take my mind off of you
my mind
'til I find somebody new
Its being 5 days since I last had a puff. Its really tough this time round, working at Attica and the other problems. Getting more and more grouchy and moody each passing day, but I know that I can do it. Once I set my mind to do it, nobody and nothing can stop me. I stop for two months with pure will power. This time round, with added inspiration, I hope I can last the distance.
One of my buddy just broke off with his girlfriend. Its was a mutual breakup it seems, they have been considering for some time already. He told me once before, but I tot he was joking, shucks, I should have listen to him then, listen to his problems. He says he is fine, he looks fine to me, lets hope he is really fine.
Is there true love in this world? If there is, how long would it last? 1? 2? 5? or Forever? It is difficult to begin a relationship, let alone maintain one. I hope that those reading this, treasure your partner right now, dont take her/him for granted, treasure the times together right now *before its over (*I hope that doesnt happen though, but things are unpredictable) .
I realise that I have been crapping alot about love in my blog, but I dont qualify to talk about. Cos must of the time it has been one sided or I didnt realise it had come and gone. Wat the hell, I can feel the love of my family and friends around me. That more than compensate for the lack of the other love. Thanks Guys (and Gals). I really treasure all of you!!
Wed 021105
Went to school to study. Tried to do Accounts Assignment, but nobody believed that I was really trying to do!! Sucks, I dont want to spend 8 years in SIM. It was raining, got soaked in the rain but luckily Lin lend me her jacket, otherwise it would be worse!!
Another slack night at Attica, better enjoy the slackness now, before the peak holiday period comes. So shoik, $10 an hour to groove to the music, serve a few customers and sit around waiting for time to pass... If only every public holiday eve is like that, but Xmas and New Year Eve wont be so easy liao...
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
My leg hurts, really hurts from rollerblading that day, sprained my knee...Ouch!! But its nothing compare to...
Saturday night was bad. So tired from netballing and falling asleep and encountered weird customers. Firstly, I got molested by a few old woman!!! Haha, pretend to order drinks then kiss me and anyhow touch. I am not enjoying it loh!! It would be different if they were some young hot chick...... Then one bloody Ang Moh peeed at my area!! So gross man!!! Pity the guy whose jug got peeed into...... Wat the heck, just get the bouncer to kick him out. During closing, there was a champagne bucket full of puke, some mutha farker had just shown us wat he had eaten for dinner. Nobody dared touch the bucket, so wat to do? I clean loh. Its nothing compared to the choked toilet full of shit in Taiwan which I had to clear...But Luke was worse... He had to clean up the pee!!!
Sun 301005
Went rollerblading, my first time. Sprained my knee, but still I had a great time. Celebrated Weiling's birthday at Wala's. Not really a celebration, just cut cake. Hai. Just happy to be around...
Mon 311005
I am riding again!! CK went Genting, so I got to ride his bike. Missed the feeling of riding, the feeling of speeding along KJE, feel free like a bird!! But I am rusty, havent ride in months... Gave Zick a ride to Clementi, my control is still not good enough...I need more practice...
Back to Attica for Halloween's Night. All the staff had to wear this T-Shirt from Veuve Clicquot, but the largest size is L!! Had to squeeze into the T, I looked like some gay boy wearing undersized T. Hai, some of the customers tot I was the bouncer until I took orders from them. One bloody bitch even dared to pitch my chest, KNN wanted to slap her but wat to do... Just stared at her... Bloody slack nite, $10 an hour but easier day than normal days. Some customers really put effort to dress up for Halloween. So much to look at, but my mind is somewhere else.
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If its meant to be mine, it will be mine. But sometimes, you have to fight for what you want. What should i do?
